Anytime now, Fairy God-Mother!

 

I have let more time pass between posts than I would like because...well, LIFE!    Plus my job has been crazy busy...which is a good thing.  And then my husband got called out of town on a family emergency for most of this week through the weekend.  I always pause and reflect on what total bad-asses single parents are, anytime my husband has to leave town.  I know that everything is relative...and as parents, we do our level best to handle whatever life throws our way.  For example, I have a friend who has twin girls and she is totally rocking it.  I am in awe.   And I imagine she looks at the mom of triplets and feels the same.  And so on.  But what happens when sometimes you feel like you can't handle it?  What do we do when the insanity of balancing being a Mom, wife, employee, friend, confidant, chef, housekeeper, chauffeur, et al becomes to much?

  I ask this question, because lately I have been feeling like I can't.  Now, I don't mean I can't handle it in a "come and cart Mommy away in a straight jacket/here's your ticket to the Baker Act" type of thing.  I mean I just feel like I am doing a piss poor job of getting it all done.  Specifically, I am feeling behind the eight ball with the Littles.  I have one in kindergarten and one in pre-k.  When I get home from work, it's usually around 5:30.  If I am especially with it that day, I either have dinner in the crock pot or have thawed out whatever I am planning to cook.  This happens about 70% of the time.   I almost always have bacon, eggs and pancake mix on hand...so on the 30% days, we have breakfast for supper.  Not a huge deal.  Then there's homework for the kindergartener.  Not a huge amount, but he struggles with his reading, so he has extra books to read  every night.  And then there's a math website he has to spend time on.  At most, this is about 30 minutes.   By now it is probably 7.  Maybe later.  I have to clean the kitchen.  And maybe a touch of laundry.  My kids also like to play...sometimes even with their Dad or me.  And story time.  Then there's bath time.  Each on their own.  (I mean, not with the other....it is not like I just toss them in the water and wish them luck!)

  Did you know that the school says we are supposed to have them in bed by 8?  HA!  I wish.  If I am lucky, it's 9.  Some nights, if everything is clicking, we can make 8:30.  But honestly, some nights they are still fighting me at 10.  Well, not the boy.  He's usually out in 5 minutes.  But my little drama queen?  The night owl to beat all night owls? Yeah...she's like the damn Energizer Bunny some nights.  It's exhausting. 

  I have to take a moment to mention that I am lucky enough to married to a man who does try to help when he can.  I am such a control freak, that most of the time I insist on doing it myself.  But he does try.   (If I don't write that he will tell me that this entire post is about how he never helps.  And he really DOES.  He just has a guilty conscience, I think.)
  
  Anyway, at this point in the evening I usually realize that I have not packed their lunches, or folded the clothes, or cleaned out the cat box....etc.  I also (sometimes) like to have a bit of time to myself...to write, or visit with my husband, watch one of the few TV shows I record or even VISIT with my husband...wink-wink.    You know..."grown up" time.  ME time.  (It used to be "wine time"....but that always led to "drunk time"...and that often ended badly.  ha ha)  And yes, I do realize that when you have kids that you must give up a great deal of yourself for them....but I also believe it is essential to find a healthy balance.   I just have NO IDEA what that is. 

    I was talking with another Mom today who has 2 kids the same age as mine.  She's pretty fabulous and a working Mom like me.  We were sharing war stories and lamenting what it will be like when we have TWO in school!   With 2 sets of homework?  My head is spinning just thinking about it! LAWD.   Oh, AND we also have an amazing 16 year old daughter, who is very busy currently being 16 going on 25, and adds to the "fun" (read- stress!)  for sure.  Everything is relative, right?  Le sigh.

  Some days I pause, and while I am trying not to yell or cry, I will close my eyes and wish REALLY HARD for my Fairy Godmother to show up and wave her magic wand and instantly make everything better.  Do you know that bitch never shows? 

  I seem to recall that I did not get top marks in the "Uses Time Wisely" category in kindergarten.  Which probably contributes to my inability to get everything done in time.  That, and the fact that I tend to take on too much.   Plus, the control freak in me that I mentioned earlier probably wouldn't really delegate to any damn Fairy Godmother, anyway!  

   I know I write a lot about trying to be grateful.  So, I fully realize that I am truly blessed to HAVE a family to care for, food to cook, a house to clean, and clothes to wash.  I really do!  But, it can get overwhelming at times.  I guess the point is that we do the best we can and keep telling ourselves that a messy, unorganized house is a home filled with laughter and love.  Plus, you can always watch an episode of "Hoarders"...an hour of that shit and I am convinced I'm Mom of the Year.  Seriously. 

  And at the end of the day, when I am really looking for my Fairy Godmother?  I just look in the mirror.