I'm calling it The "Franken-Cankle" Incident aka The Time God Made Me Slow Down

 

 

  Ask anyone who knows me fairly well, and they will tell you I am a pretty "high-energy" gal.  At least, that's the polite way to say it.  I used to joke, many moons ago, that I could always get away with being speedy high in front of just about anyone because it just wasn't THAT much of a departure from my normal personality.  (I know...let that sink in just a little bit.  Yikes!)

    As far back as I can remember, I have been involved in just about everything I could get my hands on.  From extra-curricular activities as a kid, endless social activities as a young woman, meddling in other people's problems as an adult....(so glad I finally gave that one up!!) to trying to balance being a working Mom, wife, woman in recovery, business owner, runner, & theater enthusiast all at present....to say that I stay busy is the understatement of the century.   The fact that I have not written anything in 2 weeks speaks to how over-cluttered I have let my life get as of late.

    When I ponder the many character defects I have been blessed with, the inability to just "be" is definitely up there.   It is certainly one of the reasons I turned to drugs and alcohol.  Most of us drunks do not like to sit in the silence with ourselves and our feelings.  That said, since I got sober in August of 2013,  I have been actively trying to work on this through prayer and meditation.  Or at least, I have been telling myself I am trying.  In reality...not so much.    I often have friends and family make comments about how crazy busy I am and how they can't imagine how I do it, and on and on.  And I usually laugh it off and make some joke about too much coffee and then run off to my next "thing".

   Well, let me tell you what...all of that came to a screeching halt this past Wednesday at about 6am. 

    As some of you know, I like to dabble in running.  It has been a wonderful and sometimes hilarious outlet for me.  (You can read about my runaway Grand Champion Female Masters Win that was not a win right here.  I seriously can not make this shit up.)  Anyway, I had just recently made a serious commitment to getting up early at least 2 days a week to run, since there was no way I could keep up my running at night.  In order to get back to regular running, mornings it would have to be. 

  Let me set the scene.... I set my alarm for 5:30 am, popped out of bed when it went off, got on my running gear and out the door I went.  The weather was perfection.  I was having a terrific run. My running soundtrack is the shit.  I was literally thinking to myself, "this is not so bad!  I can totally do this 2 days a week.  Man, this is going to be great!"  Ugh.   Right around 1.5 miles, I was on an unfamiliar stretch of our 'hood thanks to a road block where they are fixing a caved in driveway courtesy of The Great Pensacola Flood of 2014.   A car passed me going the other way and then made an abrupt U-turn.  It was still pitch black out and every once in a while I get a little spooked and imagine this whole scene where I get abducted in the darkness and terrible things happen and I am never seen or heard from again.   (yes, I watch too much Criminal Minds.)   Anyway, the car is now coming up behind me...a little too close for my taste...so I move over into the grass and keep running.  I was actually looking over my shoulder to see what was up when, BAM!  (Or actually, POP.)  I ran into a hole and turned my ankle so hard that I felt and heard the sound.  And I was running with such stride, that I went flying another 10 feet or so.  Thank God it was on grass. 

  Two things went through my head right then.  First was, "you have got to be fucking kidding me!" and second was, "maybe it's not that bad."  (okay, 3 things...because the FIRST thing was what an asshole the guy in the car was.  I am pretty sure he saw my swan dive and just kept on truckin'.)   All of that took about .5 seconds because once the pain set in, I am pretty sure I was ugly crying like Nancy Kerrigan. For real.  I immediately dial my husband to alert him to my peril.  But he won't pick up the damn phone.  So, I dial it again.  I can SEE it ringing.  Why isn't he answering?!?!  OMG....this can't be happening.  (At this point I am straight up SOBBING.  LOUDLY.  WTF, people whose yard I am in?!?  Not to mention the 6 cars that passed by me while I am crumpled into a ball of hot mess on the side of the road.  People are jerks...glad I wasn't bleeding profusely.)   Anyway....so there I am...hysterically dialing the phone over and over....I think at one point I actually stood up to try and limp the mile and a half home...because WHY IS MY HUSBAND NOT ANSWERING?!?

   Oh.  Wait.  Maybe I should unplug my headphones from the PHONE!?!?!  Maybe THEN he could hear me and I, him?  Ya think??   Yep.  That just happened.   Le sigh.

   So the hubs comes to get me and we head to the ER.  I love our ER.  We have a great one in our little Hamlet-by-the-sea...and I think if you are going to go to the ER, between 6 and 7 AM is money. They took me straight back.   Like, zero waiting.  Great doctor, a few x-rays, the good news it is not broken and I am released with crutches (Or "crunches" as both my kiddos say) and a BOOT.  God bless the boot. 
 
    I say God bless the boot, because I ended up having to go to work the rest of the week.  Wednesday was my call because our CEO was in town for our Grand Opening and Ribbon Cutting.  The rest of the week was one of those feelings I had that if I wanted to keep my job, I should probably get my ass into work.  (the folks I work for are lovely...it's just that we are very busy and my job is essential to keeping everyone productive.)  So the boot is awesome because the crutches SUCK and I can almost put a tiny bit of weight on it as I try to hobble about my day.   Not ideal for my healing, but Mama's gotta work.

 Now, at home it is a different story.  I have to take it easy at home.  Because I have not been able to really keep it up and iced at work, I have been trying really hard to stay in bed, with it up and on ice when I am home.  We are on day 5 since the incident and I think I can safely say this is the worst injury I have had since I was a kid.  My ankle and foot are HUGE and purple.  It's lovely.  That is where I affectionately came up with "Franken-cankle."  It's hideous.  And painful.  

  Now...all my cards on the table, I must confess that I have always been an "Oh, I will just do it myself" kind of person.  I have been compared to the Energizer Bunny, the Tasmanian Devil, and pretty much any other "Whirling Dervish" type thing.   I go, go, go.  All.  The. Time.  And now?  I can't.  Literally.  Can not.   And it is so very hard, y'all!   I am not used to slowing down,  Or being waited on.  And I am especially not used to having to be okay with the way that other people do the things that I would normally do. (Mostly because they just do it all wrong! ha ha)  To say that this has been a humbling experience would be putting it mildly. 

  I do recognize that this is God's way of forcing me to slow down.  Apparently I did not pay attention to any of the small warnings that He sent my way, so he had to do that thing that I liken to being thumped on the forehead by The Lord. (or, in this case, the ankle!)  So, I'm listening this time. 

  Because here's the thing....not only do I see that I have been crowding my life with too much "stuff", but I also have discovered recently that I am not doing anything exceedingly well.  I am spread so very thin, that nothing is really getting enough of my attention...not my husband, my kids, my job, myself, and certainly not my time with God.   I have learned enough in my recovery, that if I am not "spiritually fit", then not much else is going to go well.   So, I am taking this time to heal, to pray, and to take a look at the things that really matter and give my best self to those things. 

   Do I think I am going to actually slow down?  Probably not.  My high energy, upbeat self is one of the things I am actually grateful for.  But I do think there's a big difference between high energy and frantic.  I need to take this time to learn how to be quiet (for at least a few minutes a day).   I so want to find better balance....and truthfully, don't we all?  

  So, as I sit here typing this blog, with my foot up and on ice...gazing at the (clean) laundry that is literally spread all over our room, thinking about the 7,000 other things that I should be doing right now...well, I have to just take a deep breath, be grateful for my many blessings and ask God to please keep me from hopping around our house on one foot.  "Oooooohhhhhmmmmmm.  Amen."

  

  

I did WHAT?

     

 

It has been one HELL of a week! My husband amicably parted ways with his employer of 4 years.  My littlest one got the flu. My 16 year old honestly thinks she is a wise adult and should be left to her own devices.  I accidentally cheated in a 10K today and am currently listed as the Overall Female Masters Winner with a finishing time of 39:01!  This translates into a 6:17 mile.  I am fairly certain that I could not run that fast if a pack of knife wielding psychopaths were chasing me. And to top it all off...the 'Pièce de résistance' if you will...is that I took my 6 year old to a birthday party at the local skating rink and while I totally ROCKED the roller skates, I LOST my glasses.  That's right.  My prescription glasses.  At the skating rink.  Who does that?  I literally was wearing them one minute and then realized (obviously)  later that I was no longer wearing them.  Le sigh. 

    Cut to this morning.  The Bayou Hills 10K/5K and one mile fun run.  Quick backstory....I started running with the C25K app back in 2012.  I sort of have a love/hate relationship with running. But, I mostly love it.  I have done a few half marathons and had a respectable Double Bridge Finish in 2013.  When I am running consistently, I probably average about a 10:30 mile.  However, 2014 was a hectic year with the purchase of our first house, going back to work, being heavily involved in our local theater....you get the picture.  And my running, sadly, took a backseat.  I did train enough to finish the Double Bridge 15K back in February, but not with a any kind of stellar time.   Then my favorite running buddy talked me into registering for the Bayou Hills 10K.  I did not run AT ALL in between races...a full month.  Not my brightest move.  Anyway, we got up this morning and headed to the run.  I was not feeling it.  IN MY DEFENSE...when I ran this race in 2013 with another friend, she mentioned at the start of the race that she was going to decide if she wanted to go for the 10K or not on the course....that there was a left you could take early on that would take you the 5K route instead of the 10K.  So, I had that little tid bit stuck in my head before we even started! 


    Also, and many of you may find this information SHOCKING, but the Bayou HILLS race course is, well....HILLY!  I know, crazy, right?  With all those damn hills, by mile 2, my "I have not run in 4 weeks" ass was DYING.  (also, this race does not give out medals.  If they did...we could have avoided this little debacle...because I would have pushed through for some bling.  Take note, Bayou Hills!!) 

   Anyway, when I came to the "fork in the road", I really did not hesitate to make that lovely left turn at the 5K sign and just truck on in.  (And by "truck" I mean I finished with my slowest 5K time ever!)  And I swear I never thought for a second that I was about to seriously fuck up ALL OF THE THINGS.

    Based on what my friend said back in 2013, (and again....I am totally blaming her.  Although she shall remain nameless) I honestly thought they would track my distance.  Yeah...not so much.  Do you want to hear the totally classic part???   They had the finish set up with 10K runners to the left and 5K to the right.  And as you were coming to the finish line, the race announcer would let people know the deal...."10K to the left...5K to the right!"  Loud and clear over the mic.  I suppose so the super fast 10K folks (who were just starting to cross the finish) didn't plow down the slow-ass 5K folks.  At any rate, as I was slugging towards the finish line, and happened to be on the left side of the course....the announcer guy politely shouted right at me over the mic, "5K to the RIGHT!"   Clearly I do not look like someone who would be sailing across the finish of the 10K at 39 minutes.  Anyway, I got my water and waited for my buddy to cross so I could take her picture...and then we left.  Of course, I posted a picture on Facebook confessing my decision to take the easy way and only do the 5K.

 Imagine my surprise (and utter HORROR) when a friend who is a serious runner (like, tri-athlete serious) commented on said picture/Facebook post with this...


"Did you tell anyone?  Because they just announced you as the Overall Female Masters Winner."

     I'm sorry....Wha?  At first, I thought she was joking with me...ribbing me for my slow ass 5K time.  Then I re-read it...and about shit my pants.  What????  O.M.G.  I died.  Of course, it made perfect sense that I would screw it up like that once it happened.   And apparently all I had to do to prevent it was TELL SOMEONE.  But, I did not.  And now, if you go to the website, you will see my name and info next to a time and an award that do not belong to me.  (I know this, because I have a friend that thought it would be awesome to screen shot it and send it to me.)  

    I immediately texted my running buddy, who was napping at the time...because, you know...she actually DID the 10K like we were supposed to.  She literally has NOT stopped laughing.  I think she has told every person she knows....and possibly some strangers.  While I do find the humor in the whole situation, I am not sure anyone is as tickled as she is. 

   She also just informed me that the gal who let me know on my Facebook page that they (incorrectly) announced me as the Overall Female Masters winner, (I am sorry....I really like saying it...even though it is hogwash.  Also, is it weird that I sort of want to toss the word "GRAND" in front of "Master"? No?  Ok.) Well, SHE was next in line.  Let me let that sink in....she was (not so) subtly letting me know that I stole her first place award.  I am cracking up, because I am certain when they called my name as the Overall Female (Grand) Masters Winner....she was absolutely thinking to herself, "Excuse me?  Um.....no. I know her. Not possible."   I literally can not stop shaking my head at myself. 

   Now, don't you worry.  I emailed the race folks right away.  Well....right after I texted my running bestie.  I let them know my mistake and apologized profusely.   I am certain the true winner let them know there was a grave mistake as well.  I have not heard back from them.  I really hope I am not banned from that race.  Or, if I am....hopefully that is the only one in our area.  I really love the Double Bridge Run. 
 It truly was an honest mistake.  And I really hope the rightful winner gets her prize.  But in the meantime, I have to laugh at myself.  And also, I am seriously considering getting this framed.  You know....just to pretend.